Secure

I'm trying to be more secure. I'm a terribly insecure person. But I want to change, so I thought I'd "vocalize" it and get it out there. After I blog, I think I'll go find some verses on being secure to start memorizing. Anyway, I want to be more secure about

how I look - I have thought I was fat all my life. I can only see all the things that need to be perfected. And with my addiction to Coke and chocolate, those things aren't going to get any better. I want to be secure with my momma roll and just know I'm doing my best to stay fit and enjoying life at the same time. With that, I have asked a few people to remind me that I don't have to cover myself up like a nun every time I go to the pool. I'm in the same boat as everyone else, nobody looks perfect. And if they do, they're probably 18 and haven't had the privilege of being pregnant and having babies.

parenting - I like routines, so that's what I've strived for raising my kids. But I also appreciate flexibility. So if we are doing something different, I'm glad they can adjust. I'm always comparing and evaluating like I'm not doing anything right. Especially with discipline. Am I too lenient? Should I say NO more? Should I spank more? I want to again realize I'm doing my best and what I think is best for my kids.

what I want - I'm terrible at saying no. I'll do whatever I have to to accommodate people, even if it inconveniences me. Sometimes that is a nice thing to do, but not every time. I want to say NO more and not feel bad about it.

how things look - If my family is going to be part of a transparent community, we can't be obsessed with everything looking perfect. I'm not perfect. My marriage isn't perfect. My kids aren't perfect. What I say isn't perfect. So there. Sometimes I'm in a bad mood. Sometimes I'm fed up with all the things I've had to take care of that day. It doesn't mean I'm a bad person, just that I'm normal.

Enough rambling for now. Thanks for listening.