Monday, September 28, 2009

Another Boundary

I've made another boundary, one that I foresee will be harder to keep than my shopping one. This boundary is an answer to my unhappiness with my body. Nearly every naptime for 3.5 years I have sat down to relax with a snack. I think my momma roll is definitely being kept alive by this terrible habit. It's a terrible habit because I always want something chocolate or sweet (not carrots or celery or anything nutritious) and because it's basically just a reward to myself for getting through half a day! So, I'm going to try to replace this snack with blogging. Or reading or something. But blogging would keep my hands busy and solve the other problem I have of not having enough opportunity to blog! We'll see... If many days go by without a blog entry, feel free to call and interrogate me with what I've been doing with my time:)


Yesterday at church, I listened to the last of a 4-session conference by Norm Wakefield on marriage. The first three sessions were good, but certain points from the last one have really stuck with me. He talked about idolatry in a way that I had to really work at understanding. He said that anytime we are trying to get something out of others that is something God should be supplying, we are idolizing. This took a while to sink in but the more he talked, the more I got it. He pointed out that we manipulate and control people with our words, actions, etc. to get what we want, and when we don't get what we want, we don't really want to invest in them anymore. This really spoke to me concerning some of my closest relationships. He talked about how he and his wife were headed toward divorce after 7-8 years of marriage because they had been carving on each other and manipulating one another for years. He defined carving as the times when you use positive things like smiles, compliments, acts of service or negative things like malice, anger, pouting to get what you want. Of course the positive things can be very positive if they're not being used to get what you want.

All this left me with a lot to ponder and I was thankful for that. But one example in my own life really stood out. Last week, a few days of the week during Luke's naptime, he'd nonchalantly wander out of his room to find me reading on the couch. "What's up, Mom?" he's say. To which I would answer, "You need to be taking a nap." Then,"I want to give you a kiss." While I get my kiss, he hugs me and says I'm the best mommy ever. Of course this melted my heart the first day and he must've overheard me talking about it to a friend or Pup. Anyway, as much as I want to believe he loves me that much, he was manipulating me! Today, he came out and wanted to visit. Of course I want to visit with him, but not during naptime:) I guess my lesson learned is that this manipulation/carving stuff starts EARLY.
Not only do I need to be aware of my carving of other people but also and especially my children.


It has been true for me that some things with the second child aren't as exciting as they were the first time around. Norah starting to walk was exciting (and daunting) for me because she was only a little over 9 mos. old. Her first tooth was neat but I didn't keep track of all of them coming in as well as I did for Luke. But communication, that never ceases to amaze me. I love hearing Norah's little voice. She's mastered a few words like baby, bubby, momma, and daddy. But I love trying to figure out what she's saying and helping her communicate. Her communication is getting better every day. She's telling us when she wants up, down, or out of something. She has her own little abbreviated please and thank you. We're working on other people's names now. She and Luke went to my parents' house the weekend and I couldn't get much out of her besides Deb for my mom, but she was giving Pa a try and it sounded like "Pop-pop."

Today she confirmed her name for my dad when we walked out of the grocery. An older man with gray hair and a baseball cap was walking in as we were leaving. She waved to him and I heard her say "Pop-pop." No big surprise really. She's been quite a grandpa's girl since day one, but more and more the last few visits. This daddy's girl definitely understands:)

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


The community of people we have in Murray is really important to us. It's awesome to have a small group of people we've known for 10+ years, a core group that went to college together and have ended up here in Murray. Our cell group at church that meets on Wed. evenings is pretty big now as more families have joined and families are growing. We currently have 19 adults, 9 kids ages 4 and under, and 3 babies due in the next few months. One thing our group has struggled with is how to have a meeting, feel like we're being productive, and really just be able to concentrate and have some worship time. The solution we have now is to have two older couples from another group watch the kids on a couple Wed. of the month, then two moms take a turn, then two dads. This is working pretty well. The adults get some time to worship and pray, and the kids get time to play and run around together.

Pup and I started reading this book called So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore by Wayne Jacobsen after I read a book by him that I really got a lot out of. It's a fictional work about a pastor who starts to really question what he's doing in ministry and an account of his conversations with a stranger he comes to know and thinks could be John the beloved. (It's fiction, remember?:))

Anyway, the pastor and his friends end up starting a home church that seems a lot like our cell group. John comes to talk to their group and answers questions about what to do with the kids in a way that surprises them. He pretty much tells them that maybe their meetings should look more like a family getting together than a meeting. If they are just having a meeting to feel productive, don't bother. God wants relationships and He wants us to be sharing our journeys with each other. I've been mulling this over.

Saturday night several of us from cell got together at Aaron's house for a bonfire. It got rained out prety quickly so we all made ourselves comfortable inside, the kids with a movie, the girls chatting, some playing cards. Kristin and I started playing cribbage, then others started dominoes. (We're a wild crowd, huh!) Later, Luke came up to the table and I asked if he wanted to play with us. We taught him dominoes and he actually did a good job playing. The whole time, though, I was appreciating that I could sit with my girlfriends on a Sat. night and they not only welcomed Luke joining us, but encouraged him as he played. I appreciate that he's getting big enough to play with us. I appreciate that we're spending time with people who are good examples for us and our kids.

That book I'm reading kept talking about not focusing on a meeting so much as sharing life together, the life we live in the Father. That's how I felt on Saturday evening when I was with my friends. To me, it was a better lesson for Luke to see us all playing and listening and talking about real things than most Sunday school lessons. These are just some of the things I'm pondering lately...


I started reading this book that is so so good for me called Boundaries. For a person plagued with people pleasing this book is perfect. I am learning that I have the ability to draw boundaries to protect myself from things that upset me. One example of my new boundary is avoiding shopping. No window shopping. I can go shopping when I have the money and list to go. This boundary keeps me from getting depressed when I shop and can't get the things I want. Kind of a no-brainer huh?

I haven't finished the book yet but am anxious to learn more. I am making more boundaries, but they are personal and I think they are really good for me. It's like standing up for yourself. I like that. And I want to be able to teach my kids that and not live with an awful helpless feeling sometimes.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Luke's Latest Antics

To the Batcave!

Here's Luke being a turtle. That's what he told me anyway:) See his couch cushion shell???

I love how Luke lines up his cars, trucks, and trains. It reminds me of something I'd do:) He is watching a Thomas movie and decided to line up his Thomas trains under the tv stand like they line up at the Shed in the movie.

A Few of My Favorite Things

We found this cute place to shop called The Wharf. I don't know how many stores we went into and looked at purses, bags, and jewelry before we it got old:) I came home with a new purse and wallet, Holly a new bag, and Kim three new purses and a new wallet. Fun!

On the last day of our trip I got up early and went for a walk on the beach. I got to play in the surf and sit in the sand and dig for shells. It was a rough goodbye for me, but I promised the ocean that I'd bring my kids back to enjoy it.


My idea of a perfect vacation is the beach. When we looked over our money and decided to cancel our beach trip with the kids, I was bummed but got over it. Taking two toddlers to the beach wouldn't be a relaxing vacation but I was looking forward to watching them enjoy the beach. Little did I know that Pup thought I should still get to go to the beach, so he arranged for some advance Christmas money and planned for me and two girlfriends to take a beach trip.

One of the best parts of the whole thing for me was that I didn't have to plan it, worry about money or always be thinking two steps ahead to what needed done next. The beauty of it all was summed up for me when I agreed with the girls to go in and get ready for supper and said, "I'm getting cold, and my butt is totally asleep." They said, "You never sit down long enough for your butt to sleep." True.

We leisurely shopped, at shops we could never afford, and many that we could. We enjoyed nice dinners of seafood and steak, and no one needed me to stop in the middle for me to help them in the potty:) We slept and read and played in the waves. It was a true vacation for me. Thanks Pup!!!